It’s 2019, I am working in pubs, deeply unhappy with zero social life or time for my family. Working 14 hour days with nothing but the thought of a pint getting me through the day (and night). I had always wanted to be a police officer but I was always quite conscious that I probably wouldn’t be any good if the thought of running for a bus was traumatic, let alone running after crooks. But I always wanted to help people and I wanted to help make the police a better organisation. So I apply to be a call handler instead. Zero running needed but I still get to help people, perfect.
It’s 2020. Joining the police at the beginning of a pandemic is.. overwhelming. The training is tough, long and I am building almost trauma-like bonds with the people I’m working with, but I know it will be worth it and I truly believe I am good at the role. Yes, this is what I’m meant to be doing.
2 years fly by and it’s 2022. I’m starting a 5 day set of 12 hour shifts. No doubt I’ll either be answering 999 calls all day either with people hailing abuse at me that I am a racist before I can even say hello, or I’m listening to screams, distress and horror call after call after call. Or like last week when I had a suicidal male calling because he took an overdose and was about to jump in the Thames. There was no police available for 45 minutes and I had to wait with him on the phone and talk through his childhood trauma and convince him not to jump. Finally after police arrived and I could hang up, I took 5 minutes to decompress all the anxiety I had just managed to box away during the call, all to be told by a supervisor that I should be taking another call. I know why people leave this department so quickly now.
It’s not easy. You want to make the world a better place, yet people scrutinise you before you can even try. But in all honesty, I get it. Every day something new comes out in the news about a misconduct case or the terrible case of Wayne Couzens and it becomes harder and harder to be proud of your force. But I carry on doing my job to the best I can because people still need help.
It’s 2023 and I have been a call handler for 3 years now. It’s a Friday and I’m beginning my shift when everything changes. A stranger’s interaction with me unknowingly opens a can of worms that leads me to witness first hand just how deep-rooted the misogynistic, racist and sexist culture is in the force that I am part of, and I’m about to head down a complicated (you’d think it would be simple?) road of doing the right thing with no idea that my mental health is about to decline because of the obstacles I’m going to face.. shit.
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